Marriage for All
Those who think of Connecticut only as a very tradition-bound New England state should take another look. The Nutmeg State showed its true colors on Oct. 10, 2008—the day the Connecticut Supreme Court ruled that not allowing same-sex couples to marry was unconstitutional, thereby declaring marriage to be a legal equal right. Suddenly, Connecticut became the place to celebrate love and weddings—for everyone. Since the law was enacted, more than 3,800 gay and lesbian couples from Connecticut, other states and even foreign countries have filed for marriage licenses, according to the state Department of Health.
Garrett Stack and John Anderson of Woodbridge were among them; in fact, they were one of the eight couples who were plaintiffs in the court case that took four years to decide. “I went online and saw the favorable judgment and didn’t believe it,” says Anderson. But Stack’s reaction was: “Yes! We’re going to register at Home Depot and then plan a wedding!”
Garrett Stack and John Anderson
In July 2009, after being together for 29 years, the two retired Stratford educators were married at the First Church of Christ in Woodbridge. “We proceeded together down the aisle as the organ played ‘Going to the Chapel,’” says Stack, who currently hosts the weekly “American Jukebox” and “Broadway Bound” on WMNR radio. “The song broke the ice and everyone rose and burst into applause,” he adds. “We also invited our closest friends and family to come up to the altar and form a circle as witnesses. After we took our vows, we joined the circle of married people—we were now officially part of it.” A reception for 85 guests followed at their home.
Robin and Barbara Levine-Ritterman of New Haven, also plaintiffs in the case, were the first couple in the state to file for a marriage license. Robin, a naturopathic physician and acupuncturist, and Barbara, a software developer, are also parents of two children, Maya, 15, and Joshua, 13. In 2004, around the same time the case began, Barbara was diagnosed with breast cancer. “My illness made us realize how important the legal protections of marriage were to our family,” she says. And although her treatment made it more difficult for the couple to be part of the case, they stayed committed to the cause for the duration. Before that, “We went through that awkward state of civil union,” says Barbara, “but it was useless. What did it mean?” She adds, “We had a commitment ceremony performed by a rabbi in 1992—17 years later to the day we made it legal.” The pair took their wedding vows at Tre Scalini in New Haven before 70 guests. “We had worked hard to become a family, so we combined our names for the kids and for ourselves,” Barbara says.
Barbara and Robin Levine-Ritterman
(photo by Glenn Koetzner, Crazy Dog Photography)
So what has been the public reaction since the law has changed? “We invited everyone from the church to come to the ceremony,” Anderson says. “The entire congregation has never said a bad word.” But not all places of worship will consent to same-sex union. Congregational churches that are designated “open and affirming” and many reformed synagogues do.
Reception sites across the state appear to be ready to help same-sex couples plan their dream weddings. Kathy O’Boyle, an event planner at KOB & Co. in Branford who arranged two same-sex weddings in 2010, says, “I’ve had no problems with any business or service provider. It’s a non-issue on the shoreline, and vendors welcome the business.” The Water’s Edge Resort and Spa in Westbrook considers same-sex weddings to be business as usual. “We had at least a dozen last year,” says Jay Carrieri, Water’s Edge director of sales. “We also set up the ceremonies and contact the justice of the peace. Any couple can have the wedding of their dreams here.”
Ira Goldspiel, owner of the Inn at Kent Falls in Kent, says that same-sex weddings have become a big part of the inn’s business. Customized wedding packages have become routine here. “Couples come from all over,” Goldspiel says. “We’ve had weddings for people from New York, Texas, Washington, North Carolina, Atlanta, and as far away as New Zealand and Australia. They find us and we welcome them—in fact, the whole town sees this as a plus for our economy.”
While same-sex marriage may be a boon to the state economy, Stack and Anderson want to emphasize what they feel is its true importance. “We are part of the mosaic now—we share a common language,” Anderson says. “People say, ‘Are you married?’ and we can say, ‘Yes.’ It’s all part of being the same as everyone else, having the same opportunities, and I would absolutely encourage any couple who feel committed to each other to consider marriage. It’s certainly worked for us.”
If you’re considering a same-sex wedding in Connecticut, you should find answers to your questions in these GLAD (Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders) publications: How to Get Married in Connecticut and A Brief Q&A About Marriage for Same-Sex Couples in Connecticut. Both are available at glad.org.
Marriage for All
